My girlfriend asked me something on the phone last night. Its still ringing in my head. I can’t shake it…I don’t want to shake it. It might be the single most profound thing a woman has ever asked me, and asking was so easy for her.
A few weeks ago we were hanging out in the living room, having drinks before going out and for some reason I busted out my guitar. Its nothing fancy but its my grandmother’s guitar, the one she used to get…her groove on and sing with before she passed. Its a nylon string, its whatever. So I played a little bullshit riff and looked up and smiled at my girlfriend. I was kind of embarrassed.
I’ve always wished I could be the “guitar man.” There are songs about the “guitar man.” He knows many songs, like that Native American tribe that said you could measure a person’s wealth by the number of songs they know. I wish I had that, memorizing music and lyrics, seemed so silly until a few weeks ago.
I used to play guitar in middle school, I was the star Jazz player, lol, I had a rock band that played four shows, now I have my guitars around just in case, in case things get sad enough or impossible enough, there ain’t nothing left to turn to.
Anyway, when I played her the riff, she was ridiculously excited. She liked my voice. I play around with a deep voice, dream of being a raspy singer but that’s like a deep dark nothing that I share with nobody. That’s a gay thing to admit but its true. lol.
The world is always looking for a good singer, she said.
And this touched something inside me, something vulnerable, in all my resistance, like the raw nerve of hope, like the raw desire to be something…happier.
Last night, she asked me, “Have you been singing?” And I have. I’ve been trying but its been rather effortless lately, as if I like singing. Can you imagine…
Can’t think of anything more ridiculous than that….Can’t think of anything more sweet and satisfying.
Why else come to Brooklyn.
She’s right, that’s why I love her.
Have you been singing? Well, have you?
The world is always looking for a good singer.