Do you remember how to live? See that implies you once knew, you’ve known and forgotten and lost the ability or the beginning of that trail. Maybe sometimes you get a notion that walking away would have been better, or walking towards, and those beats in life where you should have taken notes. I should have had a long list of how not to be myself by now…and how to be whatever it is that people love about me.
The feeling that being a different way could heal the scars of your weathered feathers.
Maybe you get a sense there’s more than just your spinning psyche, that there are actual secrets mutely revealing happiness. Ever seen those movies where the elderly learn to have fun again and start riding grocery carts around the parking lot (I made that up) or pounding drinks like teens at a party? Where some divorced parent learns the secret of happiness through their children or some wild new lover.
Maybe there’s a buddy system involved in relearning happiness, no not happiness, joy.
The quaint teachings of indie films have never rung so true. And coming of age. Learning can happen but maybe it takes someone truly different to sit by the kindred fire.
Does self-talk work…
Today I will acknowledge that I know the answers to life’s big and invisible mysteries.
Today I will acknowledge that those answers have no words, shape or form.
Today I will go outside.
Today I will make things with love.
Today I will think about the people that tried to help me go further in the world.
Today I will stop hurting myself without hope.
Today I’ll try to go play that sport outside, even though I fucking hate it.
Today I will watch that movie, even though his and her face look fucking stupid on the cover.
Today I will cross off one regret
Harmony lies in the things and faces you turn your back on. Harmony lies in pushing yourself away from the crystal fortress.
Trust me, there’s nothing for you there.
No vineyards, surprises or glimpses of Aphrodite‘s golden hair.